![]() But I remind myself that I know how to fight these feelings and manage my illness day-to-day. I fret that my anxiety will throw me into a bipolar episode, and I’ll be right back where I started. I have daily worries that self-employment and being the real Beth won’t bring me sustained stability-emotionally, financially, or otherwise. How did I get here? It’s been a journey of six years engaged in extremely serious counseling, research, medication compliance, developing coping skills, and learning about me-for-real while serving others in peer support. And after recently becoming a certified life coach, I’m tapping into other parts of myself. With butterflies and confidence, I am continuing on as a freelance writer and artist. I’d have said, “I can’t-no one understands me ” “I can’t-I just don’t have the drive ” “I can’t-I am mentally ill, a big change will be impossible.” If you’d asked me ten years ago if I had the confidence to let the real me shine out, I’d have crumbled in fear and anxiety. What I’ve wanted is independence (at work and school, primarily), respect, trusted friends, affirmation, to help people, to make a difference, and to be told by a loved one when I am full of it.īut that darn bipolar, anxiety, and persistent message to be something and someone else, has become an additional cover over my bushel already hiding my light. I am smart, vocal, assertive, determined, caring, adventuresome, ethical, intuitive, honest, demanding, emotional, obnoxious, loyal, and of faith. Since childhood, I’ve been pretty clear about who I am and what I want. I knew it was time for me to rearrange my life-do what I want and be who I am-or else spend the rest of it angry and resentful. ![]() I told myself this had to be the last time I would allow myself to be in this position. My light is like the shifting rainbow bands of the Aurora Borealis.īeing asked, again, at age 44, to be who and what I am not, simply set me up for the potential-of-potentials: a major bipolar rage. All through my life, I have been told to keep my light under a bushel, because my light can be challenging to others: it moves, changes, and is unharnessed. The problem is that I’ve always fundamentally liked un-moldable me. It seems that some folks don’t quite understand a person who just won’t (or can’t) press herself into a mold. ![]() Unfortunately, the organization’s management and some colleagues didn’t seem to care much for my outgoing, outspoken manner, and my unwillingness to operate within the boundaries of an unhealthy business culture. As a peer recovery specialist in mental and behavioral health, I served my clients well. Throughout the course of my two-and-a-half-year tenure I was told at work that I needed to change-not only my behavior but who I am. I left my job this summer, about a month before turning 44. Move your heart into what you’re gonna be. The Brady’s, in their sunshine-day world, wrote a song about it and harmonized: When it’s time to change, you’ve got to rearrange. Many recall poor Peter Brady, during an episode of the 1970’s sitcom The Brady Bunch, when his adolescent voice changes. Recovery isn’t always consistent and stagnant so it is important to know when it’s time for revamping.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |